LA Mediators

Mediators of Southern California

Mediation Happens When You Least Expect It

Because many of you reading this newsletter are professionals in the ADR field, professionals who utilize ADR and/or people who have a personal interest in mediation, it becomes habitual to think of mediation as a process by which a trained professional sits down with two disputing parties, typically in the framework of litigation, a divorce, or some sort of legal-based conflict, and tries to move the two sides to resolution without recourse to the lengthy, expensive and, often, anguishing process of litigation.

I propose that mediation is a far more basic process than that.

The simplest level of mediation lies within ourselves. Each of us has our own competing interests. For a high school student, for example, the conflict may be between getting homework done comfortably ahead of a deadline or going partying with friends. For an adult, it could be between staying up late working on that project or spending quality time with your wife and kids.

Each of these interests creates its own baggage. "What will happen to my grade if I wait until the last minute?" "Will my friends think I'm a geek if I don't go out with them?" Will my job be in jeopardy if I don't produce the goods?" "What kind of mother and wife doesn't give her family her undivided attention?" And each of these conflicts requires a mediation within one's self in order to move forward. Nobody said that taking a step forward is always automatic.

Even on this simple level of mediation within one's self, there is often a need for an external mediator. Sometimes that mediator takes the form of a parent, a spouse, a clergyman, a co-worker, a therapist, or one of countless other people whom one is willing to confide in and listen to. And, of course, these problems haven't a thing to do with a court of law or any other public forum. They have to do with sorting out our own values and applying them to the simple day-to-day decisions that we all have to make.

Sometimes we seek help in groups. There are spiritual groups, 12-step groups, and all kinds of other groups that people join in order to discuss things of mutual interest with other people. This is also a form of mediated discussion in which each person operates under clearly understood rules of conduct. And, again, each person is free to take any advice offered and apply it to his or her own internal conflicts.

So you see, mediation and conflict resolution can be a far broader topic than just the mediation of divorces and litigated cases. I'll have a lot to say about those areas in future newsletters and blog posts, but that's a wrap for today.

Views: 17

Tags: Alec-Wisner, Tarzana, conflict, decision-making, interests, internal, mediation, personal

Comment

You need to be a member of LA Mediators to add comments!

Join LA Mediators

Comment by Kym Adams Director of CEDRS on September 11, 2009 at 12:09am
You hit the nail on the head Linda when you said "we will continue to war against ourselves" Because how many times have we heard or said ourselves "if I would have only listened too..." Yes, I agree this is a good topic and I too look forward on reading more. Thank you Alec for sharing with everyone and it was nice talking to you too! BTY... I did listen !!
Comment by Linda Blakeley, PhD. on September 10, 2009 at 9:37pm
Commeent by Linda Blakeley
There is nothing more important that coming to terms with our own values. I completely agree with you. Without an internal mediating voice that can help us come to terms with the different points of views we may have, we will continue to war against ourselves. I look forward to hearing more about this topic.

Badge

Loading…

Latest Activity

American Institute of Mediation updated their profile
Nov 21, 2019
American Institute of Mediation posted an event
Thumbnail

Advanced Combined Claims Negotiation at Offices of American Institute of Mediation

April 25, 2014 from 9am to 5pm
At the conclusion of the workshop, participants will be adept at implementing negotiation strategies to obtain the best results for their clients or organizations, including but not limited to:Recognizing and foreseeing opponents’ negotiation strategies in order to anticipate their next moves;Integrating game theory into their negotiating strategy to maximize bargaining position;Countering negotiation tactics by identifying them and being prepared with the right response to render them…See More
Feb 6, 2014
Glenn M. Gottlieb left a comment for Arianna Jeret
"Good to see you join our group, Arianna. I hope all goes well with you -- Happy New Year!! Best, Glenn"
Jan 9, 2014
Glenn M. Gottlieb and Arianna Jeret are now friends
Jan 8, 2014

Birthdays

Birthdays Tomorrow

© 2020   Created by Kym Adams Director of CEDRS.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service