LA Mediators

Mediators of Southern California

Since Charles has noted that there is no good way to teach the "be authentic" element of the three magic rules of being a successful mediator, it's time to tackle that subject. Authenticity needs no formal definition really. We all know it when we experience it. It is ironic that in a negotiation setting where everyone is either puffing, concealing, or stretching the truth, it is the mediator's path to be authentic at all times.

First, and counterintuitively, being authentic has in some part being comfortable with the fact that the participants in mediation are not being completely straightforward with you at all times. Most people believe that in the negotiation setting it is not only permissible, but part of the process, to not be honest. The ethics of the participants in your negotiation is outside the scope of our concern in the marketing minute, but suffice it to say that "calling out" someone in your negotiation on being truthful puts you in a tough position. It can be quite a faux pas.

Second, one has to assess one's own internal integrity in order to be authentic. Being authentic must not interfere with allowing people to save face. Authenticity requires consistency in verbal and non-verbal elements, and must resonate from the heart, not the mind. Think about a time in your personal life when you were speaking from the heart about a serious or emotional subject, even if your message was painful or difficult for the other person to hear. That feeling in your heart is where you find the root of authenticity.

So, authenticity as we use it is not the equivalent of rigidity, orthodoxy, or righteousness.

Instead, the participant must feel that you are acting non-deceptively, speaking the truth, and most importantly, that you believe what you are saying and doing in the process. How do you teach this?

The rules of mediation help. The mediator is to ensure procedural fairness, not substantive fairness. In short, you as mediator will be on a collision course with authenticity if you desire to control the outcome based upon what you think the right result is. This may seem controversial to some, but think about it. How can you act non-deceptively if you have an undisclosed outcome that you are trying to achieve? You will have a hidden agenda, and unless you are a sociopath or a skilled actor, this fact will leak out and your authenticity is jeopardized.

Remember, as a mediator, you are there to help the participants own the result. You are there to provide an experience that leaves them feeling that they had the control, and that you were of service. Next week we will talk about how you build trust and likeability with the participants to help develop your authenticity.

Until then

Bob Tessier

Views: 9


You need to be a member of LA Mediators to add comments!

Join LA Mediators



Latest Activity

American Institute of Mediation updated their profile
Nov 21, 2019
American Institute of Mediation posted an event

Advanced Combined Claims Negotiation at Offices of American Institute of Mediation

April 25, 2014 from 9am to 5pm
At the conclusion of the workshop, participants will be adept at implementing negotiation strategies to obtain the best results for their clients or organizations, including but not limited to:Recognizing and foreseeing opponents’ negotiation strategies in order to anticipate their next moves;Integrating game theory into their negotiating strategy to maximize bargaining position;Countering negotiation tactics by identifying them and being prepared with the right response to render them…See More
Feb 6, 2014
Glenn M. Gottlieb left a comment for Arianna Jeret
"Good to see you join our group, Arianna. I hope all goes well with you -- Happy New Year!! Best, Glenn"
Jan 9, 2014
Glenn M. Gottlieb and Arianna Jeret are now friends
Jan 8, 2014


There are no birthdays today

© 2020   Created by Kym Adams Director of CEDRS.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service